Just Me

I’m having this moment right now. A moment of indignation? A moment of frustration? Of… something.

Has anyone seen “Just Wright”? Cutest Queen Latifah movie. Really. It got me thinking, because of course the movie is about her just being herself, and never having anyone want to date her, and then when she really finds the guy she loves, she’s herself and he loves her… but maybe not as much as her gorgeous god-sister.

"Just Wright" (Monsters and Critics.com)

It was a great movie. It was the girls a few rows over that were making me mad. They were snickering during certain parts of the movie, the romantic parts, and whispering. I was mad because of the clear intention that those snickers had… that because she was herself, funny, quirky, and not a size 0, that she wasn’t what they wanted to see on-screen. They did not snicker when the tiny, simpering girl was on-screen.

As I was driving this evening, I was thinking about this movie, and about a blog I read, and about my hair, and my figure, and my face… and I was kind of upset.

Because there is that CONSTANT pressure between “Just be yourself” and “look what being myself has gotten me: nothing.” I’m always in that in-between. In my professional life, in my personal life. Feeling not good enough, but knowing how futile it would be to change all that.

The movie was supposed to be uplifting and show that it’s not just about how you look, but it’s about character and real beauty. It did that wonderfully. But those girls sitting in the theater immediately brought me back to reality… that most people don’t think that way. Or if they do, its hiding under so many layers of “fake” that they can’t admit to just wanting to be accepted the way they are.

Despite being lonely, I am at a place in my life where I understand why I’m alone. I’m too complicated and fraught-with-danger for any guy to handle! Life is so much easier, for everyone, with me alone. Just me. It doesn’t change the feelings, but I’m beginning to understand why Paul said it was more advantageous to stay single if one is single… Its easier. No pressure to live up to any kind of standard, or heartbreak that comes when you don’t. You can focus on the Lord and ministry and living life.

This isn’t really the most enlightened– or encouraging– thing I’ve ever written, but it’s just what I’m thinking tonight. I like to think I’m above this kind of stuff, that I’m truly content to be alone, that worldly pressure to fit in, to be beautiful, to catch a guy don’t really affect me.

But it does. There must be a reason I’m alone right? I’m not sure I’m buying the line about being TOO good for anyone around here. Maybe sometimes that could be encouraging. That God is holding out because He has someone more perfect, amazing, etc. But reality sinks in that it is other girls who get the guys. I’m the good best friend type, the one who encourages, cleans up messes, and is faithful… but not the dating type. I too would be snickered at, if I was on the movie screen.

Despite my melancholy thoughts, it was a GREAT MOVIE. Who doesn’t love Queen Latifah? And she really is beautiful, funny and real. What’s not to like. She’s just being her. Can I be just me?

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