There will likely be numerous days here in the coming week as I relocate, begin my new job, and lay out in the sun by the gorgeous pool that comes with my monthly rent, when I will be MIA online.  Its good to be mildly disconnected sometimes (although, with my new replacement phone now in hand, I can see the news/Facebook/Twitter world anytime… I really need to work on that) and I am looking forward to all my new beginnings!

Goodbye C-town. Hello, swimming pool!

Things I have found today:

• A collection of travel containers with one to two inches of unidentified, goopy material in the bottom.
• Various top sheets that have no coordinating bottom sheets or pillowcases.
• A sealed copy of the black and white movie “Pot O’Gold” with Jimmy Stewart– it is obviously from the Dollar Tree.
• A set of keys. No one knows whose they are.
• Probably twenty plastic grocery bags.
• Lotion that is over two years old and has never been used.
• Someone elses towel.
• A clipboard. Seriously?
• Stacks of CDs and an old school CD player. Who has those anymore? Apparently me.
• Rainboots.
• A giant wall map.
• Hundreds of scrapbooking stickers.

There were other bits and bobs like cords that obviously go to something (but I have no idea what), old journals, a date book from 2009, fabric from Africa, boots I’ll likely never wear again, and tons of picture frames.

I’m so tired of sorting… and I’m only through half the closet. At least the bathroom is packed. Now for a tv and softball game break. Only a few days left to procrastinate, I’ve got to make them count!

Well, I haven’t hit the women’s history part yet, but I did land squarely in the middle of Christian Church history out of partial necessity… and fell in love with it, for a myriad of reasons.

This last school year I enjoyed so much introducing the Catholic church to my class full of Protestant-background students. There is so much that Protestants owe to the Catholic church, and it is my personal opinion that the divisions that exist are so mercurial and the misunderstandings are so enormous precisely because people are so unaware of their faith history.

But that is not my reason for writing this evening. I was commenting to a friend not too long ago that it is her fault I’m currently addicted to Twitter. It is an interesting phenomenon. 

But I almost came out of my seat with this news fact:  The Pope has tweeted for the first time.

Yes, THAT pope. The pope. The Vicar of Christ. The servant of all servants. Pope Benedict XVI has pulled the Vatican into the 21st century.    

All I could imagine is teaching church history in 25 years from now and describing how the phenomenon of ex cathedra was codified in 1870, and then in 2011 ex cathedra via media sociale became the norm.

If the Pope tweets, why can’t I? And that is my justification for today.

But now, here I am, hollowed out and then filled back up, seemingly right to the brim. I’ve never experienced some of the emotions and challenges I have faced this 2010-11 school year, but I feel that I am at the end of those severe challenges and I’ve been filled with hope. In the “new category” of my life sits the following:

1) A new job

2) A new town

3) A new apartment

4) Freedom to leave what I have always done and known and move forward in real relationship with God

Also new: I’m now Twitter-savvy thanks to my dear friend @Whowuddathunkit– who also revealed the world of “TED talks” to me… I sat slack-jawed in total excitement listening to all these fascinating presentations about anything one could imagine. My favorite was on cyborg-anthropology. I love, love, love having access to learning platforms and information. That’s not new, but finding those locations of access is.

I’m thinking about a new car, a new computer, a new church, and a new workout routine… In keeping with this delightful newness I have chosen to return to blogging. I can’t wait to see what God teaches me and reveals in and through me as I enter this new period of life.

“And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14

I may not be going into a royal position, but it is a new, highly networked position and I truly believe God gave me this verse for today. As I face the challenges of my entire life changing in a matter of weeks, I think it will remain to be seen what God can do through this little life.  Everything in this month has come to re-enforce my love of Ephesians 3:20- now unto Him who can do exceedingly above all I could ask or imagine, according to His glorious power at work within me. Its all Him, and I’m with him in this new adventure.

Dogsitting sweet pea Lady

Life just got BUSY and I’ve decided that blogging is going to have to take a back seat for awhile. I figure when something is not enjoyable any more, its time to let it rest for a while. Its not that I don’t enjoy writing and blogging; I do, very much.

But a break is in order. Maybe when I come back it’ll be with a new sparkle and joy to share with the world! For right now I’m going to focus on my family, friends, students and health and only write when I REALLY want to.

Reading, on the other hand… now THAT will will continue. I never realized how much I enjoyed connecting with the the world by reading blogs and writing one. To everyone who blogs and share their soul with the world, thank you!

And as a last plug, here’s a book I think y’all should read: Choosing to SEE: A Journey of Struggle and Hope, by MaryBeth Chapman (wife of Steven Curtis Chapman).  Really… read it.

Blessings on the upcoming school year and remember that God can making even the wildest things of our imagination come true. Ephesians 3:20!

I received a Daily Mood Flip Chart as a gift recently. It’s a flip chart with almost 50 moods depicted in yellow “smiley” face format. A wonderful, wonderful, WONDERFUL gift. I use it a lot. And added my own: a face with two X-eyes and a crooked line mouth, stating “Current Mood: Migrainious”. Today one of my co-workers said she hoped I’d be able to flip it to something else today; I said “probably not” (so true).

A Sample of the Daily Mood Chart

But when I got to my desk, I decided I would flip it to “Chipper”. Because whether or not I’m melancholy or in pain, it doesn’t mean 1) everyone ALWAYS needs to know and 2) saying I’m chipper might actually help me BE chipper.

It worked! No, I didn’t get rid of my headache. But I was more lively and decided to have a positive attitude.

Recently I was reading a book where the heroine was struggling with anxieties over what I considered the SILLIEST things imaginable. She found herself comforted by 1 Peter 5:7, in the book, which tells us to cast all our cares on Him, because He cares for us.  I remember being peeved that this author would make her small anxieties seem so huge by applying that verse. Or, conversely, that my anxieties were much more meaningful and therefore, that verse wouldn’t apply. That’s really where I was at. Until God reminded me (and is still trying to remind me, I think) that sometimes it really IS that simply.

I make my faith, life, health, happiness and friendships too complicated sometimes. A result of all my education or theological training perhaps? No. I just think I like to make things complicated; its in my nature.

But sometimes faith really is that simple. Sometimes it really is just, day after day after day, even minute by minute, casting EVERY anxiety on Jesus and really believing that He simply does care for me. Regardless of how I feel. It is such a hard lesson for me to learn that love doesn’t always have to be earned. Not real love.

So, I’m learning, little by little. I love how you can be a Christian for a year or for 20 years but the lessons never change. Its like in the movie “Nanny McPhee”! She only has 5 lessons to teach the little bad children. I think God must really only have a handful of lessons to teach us… we just make it hard to learn!

So, be chipper! Roll off those anxieties! Maybe the world won’t change overnight.

Maybe you might always want what you don’t get on earth.

Maybe, maybe, maybe… but we know some things for certain. There is a God. He loves us.

Maybe that’s all we need.

I am the proverbial “you” in this story.

My dad, oh so patient dad, has constantly checked my oil, put gas in my tank and replaced bulbs and seatbelts in my little car for years. Brandon is the king of the lecture on car maintenance—it makes sense since he works on cars and his natural inclination with me is to either lecture or tease.  I think he may have a running tally somewhere of how many times he’s had to tell me to change my oil.  Scott is still in that half-way position between family-and-stranger, so I’ve benefited from his overt kindness in fixing my car, knowing full-well that he does it, in majority, to impress my sister. That’s totally okay with me.

Because of these men in my life—and the decided lack of my own man—I am aware of the importance of car maintenance, if not very skilled at the actual carrying out. I’m trying, however, to be more aware. Nay, not just aware, but proactive! I’ve even attempted a few slight car tinkerings in the past few weeks for myself.

So, with the bulk of that experience, I’d like to give you a single girls’ guide to Keeping Your Car from Overheating.

1) Notice when the gauge starts to rise and the coolant light comes on. Preferably don’t get stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic in 100 degree heat in the hateful city when these warnings occur. If you are not in this situation, skip to #14. If you’ve experienced this scenario, read on.

2) When said gauges appear ‘wonky’ and it is an overly hot day, pull over into a small town and look for a gas station. Naturally, when you arrive at that gas station, they will not have a water hose.

3) Pull across the street to the local McDonalds and go inside to order two large waters.

4) Reject paying $2.00 for those waters, and ask for the small size that is no-charge.

5) Pop the hood and call your dad, who is at work, to find out which plastic thing that is under the hood to pour the water into.

6) Don’t burn yourself while opening the black twisty-off thing on the top of the reservoir, which by the way, is labeled in French. Refer to your French-English dictionary (all single, well-educated women should have a French/Spanish/German/Latvian or Icelandic- English dictionary in their car. I do not– good thing my French is still workable.)

7) Pour the two ice waters into the reservoir and watch it disappear. This will get you back on the interstate and two towns down before you must pull over again. Because what normally takes 10 minutes of driving will now take you an hour because of traffic.

8 ) Avoid using the air-conditioning, just in case. Watch- paranoid- as the needle slowly climbs upwards toward the scary-red-zone.

9) Inch your way off the interstate and onto the highway exit. Wait more. Note: at this point you may feel like dying, but don’t give up. Car maintenance will not always be so excessively warm.

10) Pull into another gas station. This gas station will also be missing a water hose. You will question the sanity of all gas station owners.

11) Politely ask the very large sweaty man pumping gas if there is water anywhere on the premises. He will direct you toward the mechanics garage at the back.

12) At this time, look for a nice-looking and very polite mechanic to come out and help you fill the water reservoir. You may also choose to embellish how well you handled your car maintenance at this time, if it will assist you.

13) Thank the nice young man profusely. Text your guy-best-friend and your father to glory in your car maintenance skills and then drive home. * (Note: driving home may not be as easy as it sounds, so look for my future blog on A Single Girls’ Guide to Not Getting Lost While Driving and A Single Girls’ Guide to Traffic.)

Should your experience be less painful than above, continue from #1 to #14 (here):

14) Pull over to a side street and pop your hood. (You should be carrying a jug or two of water in your car, by the way, especially if you DID experience #2-13.)

15)  An overly-friendly man with “crazy eyes”, a blue jacket and an afro will holler at you from across the street.

16) Promptly get back in your car and drive home, regardless of the danger of your heat-gauge needle rising.  Still your panicked heart by singing something like a ballad by Josh Groban or belting a little Carrie Underwood.

17) Arrive at home. There is no need to pop your hood again, because you will have forgotten to close it properly when you were avoiding the crazy-eyes-afro guy. Say a prayer of thanks that your hood did not fly up, a la Tommy Boy, while you drove home.

18) Take out the water jug from your car and lift the hood.

19) Remember that the black twisty-off thing on the top of the reservoir is very, very hot and pressurized. When you remember this, set everything down and run inside to the kitchen.

20) Utilize a white and purple flowered oven-mitt to protect your delicate, sans-sparkly-wedding-ring-left-hand while dislocating the black twisty-off top.

21) Employing your cell phone as a flashlight, carefully pour the entire contents of the water jug in the general direction of the reservoir. Be aware that the first 3 inches of water will not be emptied directly into the reservoir—they will be used to cool the random surfaces of the other black-stinky parts under the hood.

22) Replace the top of the reservoir, grin happily, place your cell phone back in your pocket and call it a night.

23) Follow-up: Call your guy-best-friend, father or sister’s boyfriend to actually deal with the underlying issue which your “Brandon” has already pointed out: where is all the coolant going in the first place?

There you have it folks.  Stay tuned for more of the Single Girls Guide to All Sorts of Random Things. Enjoy the day!

Have you ever been on vacation and experienced the “three-day decompression” syndrome? Michelle and I experienced this in Kauai this spring and it was somewhat new for me, mostly because I was used to hitting the ground running on vacations. During that vacay we did almost nothing. It took about three days to decompress, and along with the decompression came irritation, sleepiness, crying at the drop of a hat, getting sick and general malaise. Day four things started looking up! This is pretty typical for actual relaxing vacations, so I hear.

My “three-day compression” syndrome for this summer extended a long time past three days. Essentially all of June and July were full of decompression from one of the busiest years I’ve ever experienced. In this decompression phase I swung from furious to apathetic, from deliriously happy to desperately lonely, from being in bad pain to feeling copacetic.

Now I feel like I’m gaining my sea legs again, prepping for the fall which is going to come more quickly than I like to recognize. Despite the increasingly painful economic pinch that half-a-job creates during the summer months, I feel it is almost redeemed by the infinite blessings of sleeping in, watching tons of movies and eating junk food… in fact, even eating regularly at all. I’ve watched tons of softball games, obsessed about So You Think You Can Dance, spent hours and hours with old friends. If sleeping in was next to godliness I would be the holiest person on the planet. (Too bad it’s not.) I’ve read some good books and some “filler” books. Things were rough for a few weeks when I was panicked about job situations, but things have smoothed out and like melty ice cream on hot pie, I feel like I’ve finally relaxed.

Figures. Just in time for fall to start in a few weeks and back to the full-time rush. Haha!

What has driven me back into the blogging-zone is this book I picked up at Borders yesterday. It is entitled A Brain Wider than the Sky: A Migraine Diary by Andrew Levy.

My sister let me know she’d read some of it several weeks ago, but beyond asking her to tell me how it was, I didn’t give it a second thought.

Yesterday I happened upon the book in the $1.00 bin at Borders. Heaven knows why it was in that bin, because I would’ve paid full price for this book—but God knows me and my wallet, so $1.00 it was. 

I’m only through the introduction and first chapter and am fascinated. I can’t tell you how many articles and doctor recommendations I’ve read about headaches. I’ve been dealing with chronic daily headaches for over four years and my entire family has a history of migraines. My sister and I got the bucket load of all the genes apparently, because all it takes is a sneeze—someone ELSE’S sneeze— to give us a headache. 

So one becomes tired of hearing all the how-tos and how-comes and what-to-not-dos. Pain is pain and no matter how much you know or don’t know about why it happens, it still exists. And migraine/ severe headache pain seems to be a monster-unto-itself, unlike any other.

The best part about this book is that Professor Levy has no interest in telling his readers what-to-do and not-to-do. He writes so eloquently about his own experiences and the experiences of others. At the end of the introduction I actually laughed out loud when I read his last sentence:

“And then a throb hits you on the left side of the head so hard that your head bobs to the right. You look for the referee counting you down to ten. There’s no way that came from inside your head, you think. That’s no metaphysical crisis. God just punched you in the side of the face.” (pg. 11)

I laughed because it’s a funny line—God punching you in the side of the face. It’s funny because that’s how it feels. For me in particular, it’s more like God shoved an ice pick behind my right eye and straight into my brain. I don’t say God because of God’s character (He would not be so cruel to His child! ), but because of the kind of omniscient power it seems to take to cause such a severe pain to occur. This man, Andrew Levy, gets it.

He also taps into my love for the historical with research into the historical rendering, explanations of, and remedies for migraines. Even down to the etymology of the word and words that have been used to describe them before. This is hard to find anywhere, anecdotal and meaningful historical discussion.

It’s the connection he makes with his reader through his words and his experiences that make this book a gem, and a must-read for anyone who suffers migraines or headaches. That’s high praise from me, who hasn’t even breached the second chapter yet. I can’t wait to read more—it’s like the man is sitting inside my head recording my thoughts and feelings in a way that even I can’t. Pretty impressive.

And for those of you who love someone with this kind of pain, I would say it’s a must-read for you as well. It may give you a chance to see what it is like inside that crazy electrical storm swirling around in their head.

Enjoy the last vestiges of summer in the coming weeks!

Rather important topics have included:

- My crush on K.M. during that transitional 5th grade year. I still have the first present he ever gave me (my first present from a boy, ever) a blue plastic horse from Chuckie Cheese. Its missing a leg.

- Moving out of the country to the ‘city’ so my sister and I could transfer from being homeschooled to a private school– that move cost me a real life horse, but I didn’t know that till later.

- My little sister’s constant annoying characteristics, chronicled from aproximately her age 6 to age 10; thats about when I stopped writing about her, I think, because I became obsessed with boys…

- My two EPIC crushes of high school, whose names I will not record here… from 14 to 17 I was fairly well obsessed with not just boys in general, but those two boys, so far out of my reach. How much I thought I knew of love. Hahahahahha! And then there were the couple of not so epic crushes from 16-ish to 19-ish…

- My passion to go to Ireland, which started during high school. I wanted to be a missionary there; those specific dreams didn’t pan out, but my family has been pretty connected with Ireland over the last ten years and I like to think its because I loved it first.

- EVERY summer and winter camp to which I ever went, as a camper or staff. And trust me when I say its not over exaggerating that there are probably 50 camp-accounts in excruciating detail. Specifically The-Camp-of-Which-We-Do-Not-Speak.

- My deep desire to get out of my hometown and go to on adventures to Africa and Afghanistan and the increasing passion for missions and orphans, and wanting to go to college far away and learn new things.

- My incredible scaredy-cat tendency to never actually get out of my hometown or go on adventures, although I have about five journals that are full of my missions trips experiences… which naturally, included lots of fussing about 1) flying, 2) the boys I was with or was missing, 3) how uncomfortable I usually was.

- I think there are probably about five journals almost 99% dedicated to my unrequited-college-best-friend-love-of-my-life-jerk-face. I’m glad I journaled. Otherwise I would have exploded! I rarely talked about what I was really going through during college, so those journals were my lifeline and prayer journals.

- Lots about my spiritual journey… lots and lots

After losing Sara in that car accident three years ago (can’t believe its been that long), I almost stopped journaling entirely. That’s proportionally, of course. Compared to the TOMES I journaled in highschool and college, I can go for a month or more without writing now, which feels like years. Something about that car accident… it was too horrific to write down, to remember on paper, even though I’ll never forget it.

Perhaps that just got me out of practice. I journaled a lot in the season after returning from Nigeria in ’08, when my life was changing and growing and I was becoming a different person. But its like that spark has gone. Disappeared into a strange void…

I wonder if it will ever come back. To be fair, blogging has somewhat replaced that inward need to express myself– now I just do it on the world wide web and a few people read it instead of only me. But what I’m realizing is is that I am PETRIFIED of being vulnerable. Okay, I’m not JUST realizing this: I’ve known it for a long time. But with the few really heartbreaking things I experienced during and since college, there are these huge walls that have sprung up in my heart that I can pretend don’t exist… until I pull out that hardbacked book with lined pages and have a pen in my hand.

I’m under no false impressions that when I journal its just for me. When I journal and write, it always morphs into a conversation with the Lord, whether I want it to or not.

Its an interesting thing I’m experiencing. I’m not blogging for anyone else, really, today. There is no fun little anecdote at the end here, or some great spiritual lesson I have learned and am passing along. Its just the truth, some things I probably would journal if I I was going to journal.

All a journey, isn’t it? This is just part of mine.

The 4th of July.

I don’t remember when the 4th of July became my favorite holiday. It may have been around 11 or 12. But, I can tell you one thing… you make me miss fireworks on the 4th of July and I am NOT a happy camper.

But I have yet to have the perfect 4th of July. It is like this elusive dream, waiting out there for me to find, or to just happen. The perfect day, really.

People have asked me what I thought the perfect date would be; trust me, in my world, the perfect date IS on the 4th of July.  Breakfast at a fun restaurant, spend the afternoon at the lake with a picnic basket and bask in the sun (though here in the Oregon Valley I’m not sure we’re ever going to see consistent sun again), the smell of coconut sunscreen… Then clean up and go to dinner or make dinner… and cap it all off by finding some AMAZING fireworks display and slow dancing to violin music after all the sparklies have fallen from the sky. That would be a killer date. (As long as it wasn’t with some weirdo! )

Or, I have this fantasy about 4th of July holidays when I have a family of my own and kids… huge BBQ parties with tons of food (hopefully prepared by someone other than me, lest we have a health crisis on our hands), with kids running around spitting water melon seeds, and dunking for apples, and swinging on the swingset. Heck, I’LL be swinging on the swingset! I want hay bales, and loud music, and laughter and friends who can whip up some good pasta salads and mean apple crisps (Michelle, I am talking to you.)  With sparklers in the driveway, and dads trying not to blow themselves up as they light off the big fireworks for the kiddos to enjoy.  Blue and white and red cupcakes and streamers hanging from the porch, and HUGE pitchers of sweet tea.

Doesn’t it sound delightful?!

Elusive dreams can do two things to a person: They can cripple you, or they can make you move forward.

Dreams can cripple you if they make you believe that you’ll never achieve them, that they’re too far away, too costly, to outside your reach. If you let them, dreams can keep you trapped in fear and trembling, waiting for someone ELSE to rescue you and make your dreams come true. They can bring depression and hopelessness; trust me, I’ve been there.

Or dreams can inspire you. They can make you look forward, to reach forward, to change. Dreams can alter you, make you believe in something fresh and different.  Dreams can motivate and fill your soul.

It’s all how you utilize them. A dream may be a hopeful thing that may really never come to pass… but how do YOU know that? Only God knows what will be. Some dreams die, some dreams are birthed… but when you stop dreaming at all, you lose something of value that you can never get back. It’s unique to this temporal life, dreaming. When we are with Him and see not in a mirror dimly, but face to face with our Creator, our dreams will be fulfilled.

But here on earth, we can use our dreams to inform our lives, to make changes, to rejoice and find courage to move forward. Look, I may never have the perfect 4th of July. Maybe I’ll never get married, or have a shiny new Ford F-150 (yes, ladies and gents that’s my dream car ),  or have kids running around through the yard spitting watermelon seeds, or have my Phd in History.

However, I can dream about it and enjoy my life as it is right now. Our todays form and inform our tomorrows, and like Michelle said to me today… 10 years are going to pass anyway, so why not do something in those 10 years you’re waiting?

So, whatever your “10 years” are… whether it’s a long or short wait, a hard road or just a slow one, don’t forget to dream. I’ll have my dreams, you have yours, and we can put them in the hands of our Lord, who dreams bigger than even we can.

And the best part is… He can do more than even we can imagine. Eph.3:20.

~~~HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!~~~